It’s funny how we can want something to change and then talk ourselves out of doing the very thing(s) that might help us get there. We may even get an idea and start imagining what it could look like. For a minute, we’re excited. But then the questions show up. What if it doesn’t work? What if I look ridiculous? What if they say no?
I believe it boils down to the feeling of rejection is what we’re afraid of. We crave connection. And if we can help to avoid the possibility of being in a situation where we could be rejected, we’ll avoid it like the plague. And our brains are wired to protect and keep us safe. So in our minds, we talk ourselves out of making any sort of change that could be out of our comfort zone. We’ve convinced ourselves that now probably isn’t the right time. We’ll revisit it when we’re more prepared, less busy, or feeling a little more confident. Sound familiar? That thing we keep thinking about but haven’t given ourselves a chance to try.
Fear can sound a lot like being practical.
Sometimes fear shows up as a nervous stomach or a racing heart. Other times, it sounds like a reasonable explanation. You’ll think you’ll need to do more research first. Or you have too much going on right now or need to have more experience first. Yes, sometimes those things are true. We do have responsibilities, limited time, and things we genuinely need to learn. But sometimes we’re looking for a reason to avoid feeling uncomfortable. And “I’m being practical” is a whole lot easier to admit than “I’m afraid someone will think I’m not good enough.”
The tricky part is recognizing which one is happening. Think about something you’ve been putting off. What would need to change for you to feel ready? Is there a specific step you need to take, or does the finish line keep moving every time you get close?
We get used to what we know.
Even when something leaves us frustrated, there’s comfort in knowing what to expect. I know, crazy but true! We know how to do it. We know what people expect from us. We’ve figured out how to handle most of the awkward parts. Trying something different means becoming a beginner in some way again. And that can feel uncomfortable when we’re used to being capable.
You might know exactly how to photograph a family, help everyone relax, and handle a toddler who has decided the session is over before it starts. But introduce yourself to a local shop owner about an idea of a collaboration you have? Suddenly you’ve forgotten how words work. (Hand held high…I am guilty of that very thing!)
You can picture what you’d create together and you’re SO curious about the possibilities. But the thought of starting that conversation brings up every reason you should probably leave it alone…so you do just that…you leave it alone.
“What if they think I’m just trying to sell them something?” But aren’t you the same girl who’s comfortable posting your mini sessions and reminding people to book? You’re selling there, too. You’re just used to it. Something unfamiliar can feel wrong simply because we haven’t done it before.
Waiting has a way of becoming a habit.
During fall, it’s easy for photographers to set a new idea aside. There are sessions to photograph, galleries to deliver, and people asking if their photos are ready yet. And the amount of caffeine that is consumed should be illegal during those fall months!
Then January arrives, the calendar gets quieter and you’re back to wishing you had more consistent work or something new to feel excited about. That idea comes to mind again. Only now, there’s pressure on it to work.
This can happen well beyond photography. We get caught up in what needs our attention today and keep postponing something that could make life different a few months from now. There won’t always be a clear stretch of time when you feel brave, prepared and completely caught up. I myself am still waiting to meet the person who is completely caught up.
At some point, we have to decide whether we’re willing to make a little room for what we keep saying we want.
Give yourself a smaller first step.
You don’t have to know how the whole thing will turn out before you begin. If you’re curious about working with someone, start by getting to know them. If you want to explore a different kind of photography, make time to try it. If you have an idea you keep dismissing, write it down and figure out what you’d need to learn first.
Let the first step be small enough that you’re willing to take it. Sure you might feel awkward, someone might not be interested and you might discover that the idea needs some work once you get into it. BUT…you might also enjoy yourself. You might meet someone who sees possibilities you hadn’t considered and you might find yourself wishing you’d tried sooner.
Notice who’s making the decision.
The next time you catch yourself backing away from something you want, pause before you automatically put it off. What are you afraid might happen? And if it did, how would you handle it? Sometimes naming the fear makes it feel more manageable. “They might say no” is uncomfortable, but it gives you something specific to consider. You can hear no, feel disappointed and decide what to do next.
You deserve to know whether it could lead somewhere, instead of letting fear answer for you.
